A Cure for Sanity
by 13-sparkles-and-the-troll
Summary: A Crack you will never forget, no matter how hard you try. Warning: Harry Dobby slash...er...actually it's more along the lines of Dobby slashing Harry...meh, who cares.


_Hi I'm Sparkles I'm told I'm evil and insane this has nothing to do with the bloody pens I keep in my pockets, don't ask why I'm called sparkles or you'll learn about the pens._

**Hi I'm 13, no not my age mentally or physically I've been told I'm just plain ol' insane, but not Evil, so there's hope for me. **_(Sparkles: no there isn't.)_** I learned a long time ago not to ask why he's called Sparkles.**

Help I'm trapped in a basement somewhere and they're making me read this! _(and that's the troll, he claims to be the reasonable one. Sparkles.)_** (Don't they all. 13)**

**We will have better spelling then **_my Immortal,_ other than the words we make up. _(and the ones we use that mean nothing of the sort. signed 13.)_

* * *

Warning: This is a crack. Like what you see when you look at a Plumber, crack. Your brains will boggle, your heads will hurt, your bottoms will belch, and you will cry out to any deity out there and beg them for death, all before the first paragraph is done! Forget everything you know about these characters, because the only canon here is spelled C-A-N-N-O-N. *Boom Boom!*

The writing will make you vomit, the logic, puke, and don't get me started on the Sues. So what makes us different from the other crappy writers out there? We use proper spelling! It's true!

You see, thanks to modern science, and the brilliant minds of computer geniuses around the world, a new program has come into being. This God among programs, known only as "Spellchecker," has rocked our existence as bad spellers and set us right.

Does this have a plot? NO! Does it have any relation to reality? NO! Are the universal laws of science and physics applied? NO! *Sneaky disclaimer alert* Do we claim right to any of these characters? Never! *Sneaky disclaimer alert* Are Balance and Sensibility seen in any of this? Who are you kidding?

Readers, you have been warned.

* * *

And with quivering fingers Harry unleashed a glob of Jeté spit, that promptly exploded taking Dobby's head with it. (Is harry human? if so how does he still have a head one hit and boom its gone, also is not harry a proper noun and therefore be capitalized. Troll) _(Drat, fix that 13. Sparkles) _**(Already did! 13)**"why yes it does have a DVD player." He said wiggling his eyebrows. As a mentor crashed into the remains. **(We're not sure whose mentor it was, it's possible it was Harry's from his time in china as a Telugu ninja, We are fairly sure it was named Ambrose though.)**

Dumbuldor heard about this on his portable police radio and rushed to the scene. Dumbledore found this oddly named muggle very strange and threw him off the grounds promptly after Flitch and Mrs. Norris had their fun, Mrs. Norris' husband Chuck was in Hogsmead at the time and they're still cleaning up the blood. _(Why chuck Norris decided to marry a cat we may never know but one never questions Chuck Norris.)_

"Amazing you're still alive Ambrose, why I remember when we were fighting cyborg ninja monkey zombies on Polaris 9 their deathly chants of '01101111 01101111 01101000 00100000 01101111 01101000 00100000 01100001 01101000 !' still haunt me to this day I thought you had died." Dumbledore said.

Ambrose stepped on Dumbuldor's head **(not sure why he came back he still had the scars. Signed 13)** in an effort to reach Dumbledore _(he was a very short man you see. Sparkles.) _and slap him upside the head, "I told you to never speak those numbers again!" harry just masticated in shock, he was rather hungry and was chewing a sandwich made of the left over paste of Dobby's head and hair. "Stay there muggle you do admirably as a foot stool, and turn off that radio." growled Ambrose.

As Dumbledore and Ambrose walked into Hogwarts spaceman spiff jumped on top of Dumbuldor's head shoving it back into the mud with a globp**(we weren't sure if this should be spelled with a p or a b, so why not both?)** "Avast fair wizard! Have you seen the zombie karate ninja's of doom from Polaris 9?" he said as Dumbuldor's last few breaths bubbled up out of what we hope was mud.

Harry swallowed the last of his sandwich. "They were cyborg ninja monkey zombies on Polaris 9 you fool! Would you like to see my DVD player?" harry said wiggling his eyebrows before rejoining Dumbledore's dum-dums. _(Hogwarts you see, 13 was trying to be clever.)_ Spaceman Spiff valiantly followed Harry who was following Dumbledore and their mentor.

They were talking about the possibility of the sun being a giant laser dragon, "Ah but Dumbledore have you ever seen a laser dragon?"

"No"

"Have you seen the inside of the sun?"

"Nope"

"Exactly!"

After arriving at the aforementioned school of wizardry, Dumbledore led the group to his office. Although, Harry was a little annoyed that his presents were required **(He wanted to keep them a secret you see. 13).**

"And what are we going to do about you young muggle?" said Dumbledore in a grandfatherly tone.

"Who you calling a muggle, Gorbichiv?" said Spaceman Spiff as he brandished a phase disruptor zappo ray 9001 _(yes its power is over 9000. Sparkles.)_

"The name is Dumbledore to you, professor Dumbledore young Spock." The old man corrected. Suddenly taking intrest in the weapon Spiff held over his head. "That's a very odd looking wand."

"That's Spiff to you, Spock is my cousin," Spiff muttered before answering, "Yes but it can disparate a space yak at 500 yards!"

"A spice rack?" Dumbledore said confused, Ambrose leaned over whispering,

"He said space yak, I believe it's a type of dragon."

Suddenly Spiffs ray gun went off disintegrating Fawkes into a pile of nothingness.

"Impressive magic! Fawkes should regenerate at some point. We should enroll you." **(Fawkes and Dumbledore were going through hard times, thus lack of compassion…13)** _(well the divorce papers had been signed. Sparkles.)_ **(Really? I thought that was postponed till Monday? 13)** _(Who's sick enough to serve divorce papers on a Monday? Sparkles.)_ **(Voldemort. 13)** _(That's you-know-who to you. Sparkles.)_ **(But I don't know who. 13)**

"You assume, I'm here, it might be a dream." replied Spiff.

"But I can feel pain." said Dumbledore, pinching himself.

"It's been known to feel pain in dreams."

"Well, you're not in Russia are you?"

"No."

"Are you in San Francisco?"

"Nope" said spiff growing worried,

"Well then you must be someplace else, and here is someplace else, so you must be here." said Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eyes

* * *

And now a word from our Sponsors!

Voldemint "It makes your breath sparklingly fresh… and evil, note side effects may include: blindness deafness, loss of feeling, loss of sanity, overthrowing the uk government, loss of taste in clothes, lawsuits, possibility of turning ginger and losing one's soul, gas with oily discharge, becoming a politician, loss sanity, loss of sanity, dewiness, drowsiness, loss of taste, liver failure, loss of sanity, urge to become a Viking, urge to becoming to Ninja, urge to become Evil…oh, wait…Ginger, hallucinations of unicorns with groinsaws on their head, groinsaws, not thinking Steven fry is a god, thinking this product is a cigarette and smoking it, inhalation of said smoke, urge to jump off buildings, suicidal thoughts, non-suicidal thoughts, breathing, drunk science, thinking you're a timelord, and in some cases death. Voldemint, making your life better!" "the mint for the evil genius in your life, buy them a pack, buy them two packs, buy a case and smoke half of them!" (the "authors" fully endorse this product, we take 5 a day, 10 on Tuesdays. Assuming Tuesdays exist.) (No, not the gum! It's glowing green! NOOOOOOO! … mmmm. tastes like mint with a hint of darkness. Troll)

Cast Robert downy Jr. as Ambrose, one of the guys that died as Dumbledore _(3 of 17 I think. Sparkles)_ Elijah wood as Harry Potter, Samwise McGee**(that's Gamgee! 13)** and Shaun Austin as Spaceman spiff. _(they switch every chapter. Sparkles.)_


End file.
